Nov
19th
Wed
19th
Nov
17th
Mon
17th
Nov
14th
Fri
14th
Twat of the Week 25
Gary Rhodes has really pissed me off lately, I Saw him on Strictly Come Dancing and all he cared about was his bloody cooking book for Christmas not his dancing. The final nail was when I saw him in an advert were he asks the twatty public in Watford what they think about Flora.
Gary Rhodes has really pissed me off lately, I Saw him on Strictly Come Dancing and all he cared about was his bloody cooking book for Christmas not his dancing. The final nail was when I saw him in an advert were he asks the twatty public in Watford what they think about Flora.
Nov
13th
Thu
13th
Ben Stiller Sequels (please click to see other posters)
Name: Along Comes p(M)olly 2*
Story: Same as the first one but Jennifer Aniston has cheated on Ben Stiller with the same guy out of The Simpson’s TM, Along comes Jenny from the Block with two ferrets (Ben stiller still has the first ferret from the first film) They get it on (the ferrets I mean), Ben does a poo, Lopez is a nutter. Happy Ending
Laugh rating: 2 out of 5 with one in the wank bank
Have I seen the original: yeah it was on itv 4 late one night, two nights in a fucking row, I want CVD on itv 4 every night
Box Office ratings: Straight to DVD, It’s a chick flick so it does well, comes free with a cheap bottle of JLo perfume/drink. *doesn’t star Ben stiller
Name Dogde Ball 2: It’s a fucking sequel
Story: (10 year later from the first one) It’s the Championship contest again, ten years later. Ben stiller’s team have gone into rehab (cough!). he wants to bring back the old team. all original characters playing themselves, yeah they are actually playing themselves (for real, real life, no acting) They win, Happy Ending with a guest aprence by David Hasselhoff again (live from rehab). plus chuck Norris
Laugh rating: 2 out of 5, 3.5 out of 5 if it’s £4 again on dvd
Have I seen the original: yes, thanks to WH Smith’S cheap dvd selection
Box-office ratings: Alright, it will probably buy Vince Vaughn a lot more slimming pills
Name: Night at the Museum 22 1/2: Battle for the audience
Story: Read IMDB
Laugh rating: 2
Have I seen the original: no , well kinda , fell asleep on a plane half way through
Boxoffice ratings: absolute SMASH
Name: There’s something about Bob
Story Ben Stiller plays a gay man who loves his best friend from school, he hasn’t seen him in 20 years, he hunts him down and rapes him
Laugh rating: 0 it’s quite graphical
Have I seen the original: yeah I saw it on a plane
Box-office ratings: yeah does alright, around the SOHO area
Name: Tropic Thunder in Paradise
Story: Hulk Hogan is back, Same as the first one but more like an American channel 5 TV Movie cable show starring Hulk Hogan
Have I seen the original: no, haven’t seen a good enough version on bitorrent files
Laugh rating: 2 , in 10 years time, 5 out of 5 , better then 3 ninjas 4, classic
Box-office: none, Straight to CD-I or lazer disc on ebay
Name: Meet the (gran-) parents 3*
Story: Ben stiller meets the gran parents of De Niro, they are old gangsters
who poo them selves. *with flash backs from the first two films
Have I seen the original: yeah on a plane, every fucking Ben Stiller film I’ve seen is on a plane
Laugh rating: 4 out of 5 if it’s written well
Box-office: absolute SMASH, after the same week of night museum 3 
Name: Cable guy 2
Story: I have no Idea
Have I seen the original: Hell Yeah, massive fan
Laugh rating: 3.5 which is alright
Boxoffice: Flop, worse then the first, does alright on DVD, has massive advertsing advert in it - MORTAL KOMBAT VS DC 2!!!!!
Name: Zoolander 2: In Search of Posh Spice
Story: DO IT!!!! Same, more of the same shit please, DO IT!!! NIKE tm
Have I seen the original: yeah, have it on DVD - £3 in WH Smiths, Itv 1 and 4 show daily
Laugh rating: 4.5 out of 5
Box-office: Don’t know, ok I guess, I’m not a big fat Cat from Hollywood (Can I have Wayne’s World 3 as well please)
I wonder what would happen if sober me had a conversation with drunk me
- sober me: You alright?
- drunk me: HELL YEAH !!!
- sober me: you sure? you don't look it
- drunk me: I googled conversation starters the other day, the first one was: What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?, What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?
- sober me: I haven't read one
- drunk me: What?!
- sober me: No, watching that Jim Carey christmas film doesn't count
- drunk me: oh, question 5, Who's your favorite Muppet?
- sober me: you know who my favourite muppet is, it's Beaker, you muppet
- drunk me: do you think lindsay lohan has a myspace?
- sober me: I don't know, probably, why?
- drunk me: I might send her a message later, asking her out
- sober me: You don't even like lindsay lohan
- drunk me: yeah I do! I think we'll make a great couple, she's hot!!! AWOOGA!
- sober me: ok
- drunk me: lend us some money
- sober me: why?
- drunk me: to buy some drink
- sober me: No, i think you've had too much
- drunk me: no i fucking haven't, you cunt, blllluuurrrrr!!!!
- sober me: you dick, all over my new shoes
- drunk me: I bought them
- sober me: you're an idiot
- drunk me: I love you
- sober me: I love you too
This little bad boy only cost me £6 in Sainsburys today, I’m going to see how much I can drink on my own. Expect some bullshit posts
Nov
9th
Sun
9th
Nov
5th
Wed
5th
“I’m sleeping with my mum”
Twat of the Week 24
Maybe I’m sticking my neck this week* but it goes to George W Bush Jr. He’s either one of the funnest comedians ever or just one of the biggest fucking twats ever. Actually he’s just a fucking twat, good riddance twat face.
(*trust me I have a long neck)
Maybe I’m sticking my neck this week* but it goes to George W Bush Jr. He’s either one of the funnest comedians ever or just one of the biggest fucking twats ever. Actually he’s just a fucking twat, good riddance twat face.
(*trust me I have a long neck)
(via lunchbagart)